blogging,ive discovered,is not one of my pet fascinations..not anymore.
so now you dont find me blogging about any and everything that happens in the life of lesser mortals like yours truly...i dont blog unless its eventful and worth noting.
people in Joo,ive realised,are not as level headed and cool about things as they pretend...its all in the face..but deep down inside they are gasping their throats out(never mind the bizarre imagery,you get the point)at every other event.
like always i'll maintain anonymity,and so will refrain from being explicit.
people,(and i hope all you conservative moronic blockheads are reading this) if two people from opposite genders are seen together during bulk of the college time,dont presume them to be "dating".better still dont smirk and wink when you cross them.
one doesnt need to be a rocket scientist to understand this.its plain.its simple.its something we have written on our face.WE AIN'T DATING.
if love is really blind and if you really cant see the point,i wonder who is in love really.(and yes,there WAS enough reason why i mentioned "really" all those three times...hrrrmmpphhh..)
i know this post will not change things...the smirks,the whispers,the winks,grunts,chuckles,et al will not dissappear into thin air.they might increase for all i care.but i was wanting to make my point,and ive made it.
its a free country and i wont impose my ideas onto you.i hope you do the same.

ok...this ones going to be an extremely short and sweet girly post.
so all those who've started cringing their nose..."shoo to all of you..!!"
for one,i got my nose pierced..finally!!
picked up nice good stuff for pujo...i'm in a patiala mood right now...so chances are that all my stuff might get tailored in that fashion..
and that's pretty much it...
yaay!!
i'm happy:P

i realise i have ceased being the regular that i was in blogosphere,once upon a time...sniff..sniff...
have been orkut-ing a hell lot.its fun in there.you get to meet with people you havent been in touch for quite a while.to cut this rather humongous story very,very short,its fun!
and how i love those who drop in once in a while,scrap random scraps asking if they could "make friendshipss" to you...i mean wtf??
make friendshippss...golly!and how do you "make" them,anyway?times like this i feel so heavily disillusioned.so goddamnly diffident.to think the things people are "making" these days...and look at me?what do i make?paper boats!sheesh!!if i ever could catch hold of that lady who used to take craft lessons in school,i'm seriously going to give her a piece of my mind...why,she never taught us how to "make friendshipsss" in school???did she think we were not creative enough to "make" them?those friendshippss?is that really what she thought?
it can be so heartbreaking to think your crafts teacher never really trusted your creative potential...never really respected the artist within you...and now,when the whole wide world "makes" friendshipss,you are left all alone...
i'm going to mourn over this for some time.parting with a heavy heart...sniff...sniff...

okay!so I'm pissed again..and this time its for a reason way graver than the things i usually grumble about...

i seriously have a few bones to pick,and I'm afraid this post might raise questions from various quarters...but I don't really care about all that...i wanna vent my angst...and vent i will.

I had gone to olypub with a few friends this sunday and on our way back home(we were waiting right outside oly for a cab)a uniformed D.I.G came upto us...called one of my guyfriends a bokachoda for no tangible reason i can reckon with.And while my friend stood on the other side of the road,completely taken aback,trying to figure out why he would be called one(bokachoda,that is),the D.I.G (or that's what he claimed himself to be)laid back,resting his arm on the jeep's bonet like a pucca bangali darogamoshai-sizing me up.

i can't tell you how nauseatingly disgusting it felt letting myself be expoited like that.and i would have shrieked my lungs out and created a major scene had it helped me in the least bit.

the point is,i have no clue why, whatever happenned, actually happenned to us.
For,number one,none of us were acting weird/drunk/unstable.
number two,i don't recall any of us doing anything remotely obscene...unless waiting for a cab or talking on the phone can be counted as one.
number three,i wasn't wearing anything vaguely provocative(i was wearing a shirt and a pair of ankle pants,goddamit!)
number four,it wasn't very late in the night either...8.30pm isn't late by Park Street standards,is it?
you could say my friend acted rather dumb(why on earth would he let anyone get away calling him names like that,you might say)but you know what?in all probability you would have done the same had you been there yesterday...acting smart before sick,corrupted D.I.Gs doesn't get you anywhere...

the same goes for me.doesn't matter how big a tantrum i threw once i got into a cab.or how i bad mouthed the authority all throughout the journey back home.the fact remains i couldn't do a thing to stop that bastard from leching at me with that cheap smirk playing on his lips.

i wish i really didn't have to think sucha great deal about what a bhodro barir meye should do and what she shouldn't.
i wish i could do something from letting corruption fuck our whole goddamn system.
i wish i could plant a tight slap on that fucking D.I.G's face yesterday.
i wish...

the system has gotten so wrong from above,there's no point putting the blame on the grass root.

behnchod sala!!!

Its been some time since I last blogged...
The reason behind my sudden disappearance from the blogosphere is not something I'm even remotely aware of...
I tried pondering over this for a while...I wasn't exactly what you'd call "busy"...my comp didn't crash...there was no technical snag...I wasn't gone visiting relatives in Uganda,nothing such what-so-ever!
So,there! lets just say I didn't have much to say,shall we??{although that's a doubtful claim...(i always have something to say!)}
I thought of a ceremonial comeback(batting eyelids...waving hand in midair...blowing kisses...'oh thank you...thank you...I missed you too!')but I guess that would have been a bit over the top...don't you think?
will I ever quit being melodramatic???


sigh!

I am a senior...finally!!


YAAY!!

"ekta nirobota theke
onyo ek nirobotay
shore jachhi ami..."

I'm a loner...well,mostly.I like being left alone to do 'my thing'..now whatever that might be...muse,gaze listlessly at absolutely nothing whatsoever,pucker my lips,make strange,strange sounds ,signal the birds,make paper boats,fiddle with the phone,squint my eyes,whatever...

and I hate crying in public...its one of my major paranoias...I become all conscious when I get crying before someone,and I totally hate people comforting me.Cracking jokes(stupid imbecile ones, at that)is so not the best thing to do when someone's depressed.The situation merely worsens.Why don't people get that??I like people who give me enough space to let me do my thing and enquire if everythings alright after the bawling gets over.

and for some strange reason I can't stop thinking about things I'd rather not think about.and there's this voice inside me which has been silently screaming'lebu cha...lebu cha..lebu cha...'for an hour now.it was 'prottutponnomotitto' the other day.

ufff!!!

tu bin bataye
mujhe le chal kahin
jahaan tu muskuraye
meri manzil vaahin
tu bin bataye
mujhe le chal kahin
jahan tu muskuraye
meri manzil vaahin
meethi lagi,chakh ke dekhi abhi
mishri ki dali,zindagi ho chali
jahan hain teri baahein
mera saahil vahin
tuu bin bataye
mujhe le chal kahin
jahan tu muskuraye
meri manzil vahin
mann ki galli tu phuharoon si aa
bheeg jaaye mere khawobon ka kafila
jise tu gungunaye
meri dhun hai vahi
tu bin bataye
mujhe le chal kahin
jahan tu muskuraye
meri manzil vahin..."

amar janla...


"amar janla diye ektukhani akash dekha jay
ektu borsha ektu grishsho ektukhani sheeth
sei ektukhani chouKo chhobi akre dhore thaki
amar janla diye amar prithibi

sei prithibite bikeler rong hemonte holud
sei prithibite pasher barir kanna sona jay
sei prithibita boroi chhoto amar janlay
amar janla diye amar prithibi

sei prithibite bachar janna judhho kori roj
ektukhani bachar janna hajar aposh
sei prithibir naam Kolkata ki Bharat janina
tumi tomar prithibir naamta jano ki?

tumi bolbe amar beniyapukur tomar behala
tumi gondi kete dekhiye debe poshchim bangla
hoyto keralar akash ar ektu beshi neel
tobu setao ki noy amar prithibi?

amar janla diye jay na dekha Islamabad
sudhu dekhi ami roj amar pasher barir chhad
ekta holde sari sukochhe ar mojar rongta neel
aj prithibita boroi rongin

keu Alabamay boshe bangla gaan-i gay
keu porchhe koran taar Japani janlay
tumi hisheb kore bolte paro Paris-er samay
tobu kar janlay ke ki dekhe,hisheb kora jay ki bolo?

moner janla achhe...
moner janla diye tumi beriye porte paro
Mexico-te boshe bajano jay guitar
kothay tumi tanbe bolo desher simarekha
amar janla diye gota prithibi

tai janla amar maane na je dhormer bibhed
janla jatiotabaader poroya korena
janla amar pub na poshchimer dike khola
janla se to nijei jane na...

janla amay sokal belay sonay bhoirobi
ar sondhye bela sonay John Coleridge
gaaner sure deshadeshi reshareshi nei
amar gaaner janlay gota prithibi..."

Watched "C for CLOWN" at the Odeon theatre festival today...
Produced by Cinematograph,directed by Rajat Kapoor and written by Rajat Kapoor,Atul Kumar,Vinay Pathak,Keneth Philips and Sheeba Chadha,"C for CLOWN" was entertainment all the way
The script mostly comprised unadulterated gibberish garnished with a few english dialogues deftly thrown in between..the actors were funny,jocular,spontaneous,hilarious and all that you can think of when I say "Oh God!my sides have started aching..I'll explode if I laugh anymore".
The performers came up with impromptu improvisations,involving the audience in the saga all through...
The play mostly reflected the darker side of the clowns' life...exposed the face beneath layers of makeup and paint...the face that lies underneath all 'ha!ha!hee!hee!'...
Not exactly what you would call 'thought provoking',so to speak...not dark or anything,nothing you would get back home and muse on...but ,as I said before,it was pure entertainment ,nonetheless...
The costumes were innovative,the music was upbeat and the set was simple.
Rajat Kapoor was a dude...and I fell back in love with Ranvir Shorey...Sheeba Chadha was brilliant as "Fifi,the clown"..made me wish I could play her role.Vinay Pathak was good fun,as always.Ditto for Atul Kumar.

thought of the moment:~"To be,or, not to be a clown,that is the question..."

hee hee :p

LOL!

...and unfortunately money seems to be the solution to all my problems right now.
guess, smiles are not all that you need to live a good life.

"janish,Mahendra Singh Dhoni naki 3 litre doodh khay..."
"kiser doodh?tiktikir?"
"tiktikir abar doodh hoy naki,boka?"
"hoyna bujhi?tahole oder bachchara ki khay,re?"

uff !!! maane, ki bolbo!

I had a bad dream last night...
I won't say much about what the dream was...only that,I fear it might come true.
Woke up in cold perspiration and found two new text messages on my phone which reasserted my premonition.
I hate it when my day starts like this.
To the person who came in my dream last night and sent me those messages,I wish I could hate you...
You asked me NOT to blog about you...there,I did it again!!

I am not a poetry person...let's face it,I'm not the kind you would look out for when you're in the mood to discuss Neruda or Elliot for that matter...I can't write poetry for nuts, and I'm not a voracious devourer of poetry,either.
However,poetry composed in lucid, free flowing language manage to interest me much.I have a penchant for poetries such as these..so much so that I've often scribbled random verses I've heard somewhere in scrap pieces of paper and tucked them inside my jhola...
One such poster manged to grab my attention today...there it was prercariously hanging loose on the wall right outside JU...
The poem's called "Malda Station"...And it goes like this..

"station theke kaalo megher chhaya dekhte pai
musafir khanay jhogra kore lok
ami dekhte pai cha walla boshe kaade
dukhho holo engine-er awaaj
dukhho jokhon kome jay
neel akasher chaand dekhte pai"

some non descript,typically common place seventeen year old Raju Chakroborty wrote this..
'So what?',you'd probably say..
The irony is that Raju is a peddlar.He sells waterbottles and cold drinks at the railway station...the rest of the time he writes poetry...
It gives me goosebumps to even think that maybe someday I've bought a bottle of soda from the boy,carelessly thrusting the price in his hand, without realising for once that the fingers with which he took the money from me are the same nimble fingers that produce such wonderfully graphic poems like Malda Station
Incredible how these people still manage to dream so big despite whatever hindrances and struggles that befall them in their everyday fight for a better existence...
Kudos to Raju and all others like him who haven't yet been disillusined about life in general,and who still manage to potray the reality through such simple yet strong imageries.

[whoever wishes to read more of Raju's poems,or even other poems for that matter may log on to www.daywalka.org]

I'm pissed.pissed with everything.this is my exclusive 'piss off time'.I'm pissed with the world at large.Pissed with myself,with mum,I'm pissed with the big guy up there,pissed with my best friend...
Byas!I'm just done with everything.angry,cross,exasperated.Nothing's working the way they should and I'm too tired and worn out to make that conscious effort to sort things out.Not this time.If things are this way,so be it.I can't straighten things out anymore.Let them be as they are...crumpled,messy,stray,haywire..I'm sick of ironing out the differences.Sick of acting the scapegoat.I'm gonna act selfish this one time and sit back and watch others as they clean the dishes, wash the laundry,take the garbage out..the regular stuff.

8.20pm.wednesday night...(A on the other end of the phone)

me:-umm...A,i, ummmm,heard,ummmmm,that P.B is leaving college and all(trying to sound verrry cool,assuming all this to be somekind of a joke)

A:-yeah!he's leaving for bhopal..he's going there to study law and all...why didn't you know??

me:-whaaaaaa??really?you mean its not a joke?(trying to sound even more cool this time...hopeless, futile attempts...voice breaking...)

A:-why should it be joke man?he's leaving for real...even we are really shocked and surprised...infact...
I hang up.

There are times when i take myself by surprise,like yesterday.To think that I got this affected by the news of a friend leaving, is a surprise in itself...
We were never really the best of friends...but we were friends,atleast...and what can I say? it hurts real bad when friends go away...
P.B,in case you're reading this...take care,buddy!And please don't ever think I wanted you to go(I might have cracked a joke a zillion times about how relieved I would be if you left the department,but you do realise that I never meant it,right?)
be good and be happy wherever you might go...

Ughhhh!I hate it when things don't work my way...
Now before I start ranting about my miserable life(again!)let me enlighten you all on my olfactory organ.my nose.
My nose is a rather sensitive little thing...(though i have doubts regarding it being "small"..its rather big...and cringed..and, i suspect, a bit crooked too...but woteva..that's not the point..that's how my nose is and that's that.hrmmph!)ya!so as I was saying..my nose is one hell of a sensitive thing..its prone to dust allergies..one swish of a broom before my nose and I would get a sneezing feat within a split second's time...
Now, I didn't get into a dusting spree..if that's what you've been deducing from what I just said...
Nope sir...nothing of that sort.I was having a most amazingly boring day(boring..monotonous..but NOT miserable,mind you)till this mishap came knocking on my front door and,the prepostorous little moron that I am,I gently let it in...
arrghh!there I was scrubbing my face with a 'gentle' face wash till some of the soap suds conveniently got into my nose and before I knew it, I had started sneezing...and believe you me..I still am..and its been a good 4 hours since the mishap took place...and whattdoyouknow...there's no stopping me..I'm sneezing away to glory...blurred vision,running nose,concerned mother in tow...Life's been SO eventful in the past few hours...scowl...
Tried aroma therapy(didn't work)...tried listening to mellow music(didn't work)..tried distracting myself by watching telly(didn't work)..finally mum suggested "blog koro,na?"(does she know me or what?) and that,my fellow compassionate bloggers,is what I've been trying to do for an hour now...
I'll try getting some sleep now(if my blessed nose lets me,that is...considering the kind of mercy it bestows on me once in a while)
[p.s:-and whoever came up with the tag line.."gentle" face wash for gentle skin...wait till I recover..I'm gonna sue all of you..I swear...bloody liars!]

The sky's almost invisible from my verandah...you have to virtually crane your neck to catch a glimpse of the sky or count the stars adorning the velvet night sky...
I like my verandah otherwise...its pretty much non descript,what with a couple of chairs and a colossal pile of old yellow newspapers and dog-eared magazines stashed at one of the farthest corners..its one of those small nooks in the entire household which I can conveniently call 'my space'...
Ever since we moved to this place in 2000, the verandah is one of the places I've spent most of my time in...(another deliberate reason for this being the poor ventilation in my room..) the verandah has been my favourite hang out zone..my den..my abode..my whatever...
and unlike the usual ones, this one opens out to our backyard..overlooking which is a humongous garden and a shallow mucky pond behind it...you get the picture...your desperate endeavours to catch hold of another homo sapien are all going to turn futile...however hard may you try...
This is precisely why I adore this spot even more...one can spend hours in here..without being irked by the presence of another individual...and blissfully while away all his time gaping at the exotic birds and cranes that flock to the garden every morning.
Its one of the most wonderful sights...ever!!Watching the parrots and kingfishers and gaang shalik and haari chachas...the sparrows pecking on the papayas and mangoes..and the outrageous maali bhai shoo-ing them away with a stick!

Now!Doesn't it all seem like a dream?And to think that this place is positioned right in the heart of South Kolkata..My!My!We really are lucky!

I was perched on the JU bridge when it started raining today...tiny beads of rain trickling down your upturned face has to be one of the most ethereal experiences ever...
It didn't rain much to wet my hair today..just enough to wash off my fatigue...
I'm going to sail a boat the next time it rains...

Yet another non descript day of my existence...yet another brick in the wall...lethargen engulfing my body and soul...seeping into my whole being like some deadly virus...
uncanny how we make a zillion plans while the exams are under way...and how they never work out once the exams get over....
today was extremely humid-hot-sultry-i-dunno-monotonous....and uneventful.
I'm turning lazydumbstupidslowretard.
and I can't stop myself from asking people to treat me...what's disconcerting in this case is that they do give in ..and i end up hogging a lot more than my system can take(or rather, should take) which in turn makes me feel pukish(which is worse than throwing up..it never happens anyway...its just the nausea...)but I keep doing it anyway...
my face is breaking into pimples again..ughhh!i hate summer..and I loathe this humidity..and I absolutely HATE oily skin.
I think I'm gonna go to college everyday..oh well!! I've nothing better to do...and I think I'm in love with the krishnachura gachh overlooking the jheel...I kept looking at it the whole day.sigh.
Oh!and I'm having this recurrent overwhelming urge to get my nose pierced...I kept thinking of it the other day...I dunno..guess I've been gripped by the desi fever big time...and maybe..may...beee...if this persists I'll probably do get my nose pierced...
I had this fetish for tattooes way back in my secondary school days...that was before i realised the kind of pain one has to endure in order to get oneself tattooed...its just nosepiercefetish now...secretly hoping that this,too,will pass...I seriously don't want to go for something that I'll repent for later on...
and I'm so totally in love with my brown eye pencil...
I know this is turning into some extremely girly incoherent ramble kind of a post...but that's exactly how my mood is right now...incoherence is profound. inane...yet so so profound.
and I can't stop humming "Crush" by Mandy Moore...this happens to be one of those phases when my bouts of cynicism just goes overboard.

I wanna paint the world yellow...with specks of pink and blue strewn all over.