• I think I'm what you'd rightly call confused and lost.I was never the "focussed" type anyway...but it wasn't as bad as now.It's getting worse with every passing day...every living hour...I'm probably more confused and disoriented than when I started off in the morning.

What's frustrating is that I keep contradicting myself.I really don't know what I want from myself and from life, as a whole.I don't know what I'm doing ...better still why I'm doing it at all.My head's turned into this entangled meshwork of a zillion thoughts and processes.I wish I could stop being so overly judgemental and self critical...

• I'd gone to boimela today.This was the first time I went without baba.This may sound stupid to a lot of people,but,I didn't really like boimela this time.It was the same old hujuge public(no offence...but lets face it...these are ppl who possibly go to every freaking mela held in kolkata...or maybe even outside),a handful of genuine booklovers...a motley of kochikachas,mashimas,kakus,jethus,dada- boudis(hobu included),some antel intellligentsia(dari,jhola,biri,et al).The food court was (as usual)the most crowded.I made boats out of the leaflets handed out at the time of entry........!!!,religiously went to the little magazine stalls bought a couple of journals and patrikas for baba.I didn't buy anything for myself this time...partly because I'm broke(and i hate asking mum for cash)and partly because there are a lot of stuff at home which I haven't finished reading.We sat down at the "MAMARTA"area for a while before coming back home and no!I didn't have any dutta-r telebhaja although I know that S would have been really happy (read exuberant)if I did.

I'm in a fix.I have 4 classes(4!!??!!)tomorrow -none of which are prone to get cancelled-classes of immense importance taught by teachers I really admire and thus dont want to miss.But then there's a short film festival at Anita Bannerjee Memorial Hall and I don't want to miss that either!!They are going to screen "komolgandhar"and"jukti,takko,gappo".I'm torn between my duties and my whimsicalities.DAMN!!How I hate myself for putting me through this...
I read D's blog today and the first thing that crossed my mind is "oh man!!!she writes really well".I mean ,I can't write like that for nuts!!!Heck...I don't even know so many words.Times like this I really feel deficient..like something's lacking.

• I'm getting a wee bit too impulsive and fickle minded these days.We had all planned to go and watch RANG DE BASANTI.I don't know why but all of a sudden I put my foot down and decided to bunk it.Ppl who have watched it have passed a good judgement about the film and I've been cursing myself ever since for depriving me of such a treat.

There are some more movies I want to watch in the coming days:-
#1.Mixed Doubles(not for konkona,but for rajat kapoor)
#2.Bow Barracks~forever(for the simple reason-Anjan Dutta...I dunno why its taking soooo long to release)
#3.The Bong Connection(i know its nascent and being shot right now...but I get a bit cynical when an Anjan Dutta film is in question)