pornication.

semesters depress me.muchly.the body clock has gone awry and refuses to readjust;which leaves me in a very wakeful state at the most unearthly hours.something i would have appreciated had i been given the task of watching lizards mate.its a most fascinating thing to watch,by the way.also the act of shooing trespassers off their den makes for an intriguing viewing.
instead,i am expected to mug cartloads of xerox material.something i,as has become very apparent by now,am not very adept in.the bed remains strewn with odd pieces of paper,stacks of diaries,a very discolored umbrella,some dogeared reading material.i barely manage to fit in the midst of all this everynight,inefficiently squirming my way through threadbare jholas,umbrellas and empty bottles.
its time i treated myself to some nice 'mills and boons'.given my life has hit an all time low,and will continue doing so for sometime,i could really do with some porn:)

another tag.

1. LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN A THEATER?way back.bong connection,i guess.
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?last read 'Chronicle of a death foretold'.will read 'Istanbul' next.
3. FAVORITE BOARD GAME?snakes and ladders.
4. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? robbar.
5. FAVORITE SMELLS? the whiff after a candle is put out.petrol.new paint.shoe polish.
6. FAVORITE SOUND? the clanging of trams.sirens.old advertisements on radio. ghu-ghu pakhir daak.
7.WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD: depravity.failure.denial.feeling unloved.
8.FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE? all that happenned the day before. i tend to forget otherwise.
9. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE? i dont have a favorite.
10. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME:chompa and chameli.
11. FINISH THIS STATEMENT. "If i had a lot of money i would...blow it up for sure:)
12.DO YOU DRIVE FAST? might.if i knew how.
13. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?nah.
14. STORMS-COOL OR SCARY?cool.
15. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?i had a shiny red bus of plastic once upon a time.
16. FAVORITE DRINK?frooti.
17. FINISH THIS STATEMENT, "IF I HAD THE TIME I WOULD .....rearrange my life
18. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI?never had it.
19. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHOICE?red.definitely.streaks,but.
20. NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS YOU HAVE LIVED IN.been in kolkata forever.
21. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?kho-kho
22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU: a sweetheart.
23. WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?dusty suitcases.and a verry dusty carpet.
24. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BORN AS YOURSELF AGAIN?i wouldnt trade myself for any other being.
25. MORNING PERSON, OR NIGHT OWL?i used to be a morning person.i prefer staying up late these days.
26. OVER EASY, OR SUNNY SIDE UP?sunny side up:)
27. FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX?home.
28. FAVORITE PIE?dhushh.khaina:
29.FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?chocolate.butterscotch.
30. OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU TAGGED THIS TO, WHO'S MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST? pongy papaya,i guess.

i tag little boxes,pongy papaya,arnab,dreamy and ad libber.

nightswimming

as it turns out,night is the ideal time i could fall in love with myself.
now,falling in love with oneself doesnt necessarily require a right time or place.you can just about fall in love with yourself at the least auspicious moments.while crossing the road perhaps.
i do.i fall in and out of love with myself while crossing the road.i could be particularly elated at myself for making something as commonplace as crossing a road seem so interesting for me as well as for people around and fall head over heels on me for simply that.
but at night its a different ball game altogether.
i go for random walks around my locality,just for the information,at night and NOT because i have to cut down on the extra fat.that does probably lurk somewhere as a possible cause.but the walks are mostly meant to catch up with myself.and for people like me who couldnt care two hoots about the world,talking to self while walking can be darn therapeutic.
staying up late works for me.
so does random staring at the mirror and talking to the walls.
the other day mum barged into my room at two in the morning only to find me staring at a very red wall and talking baloney.her face contorted in a way i have never seen before.and it wasnt expression she would have donned to dissapprove my staying up late.its the face one makes on giving birth to a baby that closely resembles an ape,with verrry hairy features,tail,et al.
i probably reminded her of characters from far off lands ,preferably from marquez's stories who were insomniac,rocked on an armchair all night and talked baloney to the mute wall when not devouring fists full of wet earth from the garden.
have you heard the sound of bare feet swishing across the crude floor at night?or of clocks ticking in immaculate sequence one after the other?it seems as though my room comes alive with distinctive noises i could never perceive at daytime however discreet i stayed.i stay up for them.i stay up simply to admire the lovely motif the shadows cast on the glass showcase atop the kalo almirah.the neon incandescence falling against the palm leaves conjure the most fantastical silhouettes unlike what i have often viewed in cliche postcards and tourist brochures.thats where my sublime rests at night.amidst mango trees and random swishing of feet against cool mosaic.thats where my soul hovers at night.and when dawn breaks,the noises surreptitiously creep into lost crevices and tuck themselves away.

myriad hues

ages back when plastic crayons and pigtails with lacy ribbons still ruled my world,i had decided i would like to become a cartoonist.considering this ambition had loomed large in my life at a time when kids usually dream of becoming doctors and pilots is an amazement in itself.many a sleepless afternoons were whiled away in the baranda sprawled across the cool mosaic drawing pictures of unsteady men and rather ugly women,for however hard i tried i never could contrive the right eyes and the lips appeared disproportionate on most occassions.another picture i never grew tired of drawing was of a cat as big as a house and a tree all standing on the same plane and with mountains behind them overlooking a verry verry green meadow.i dont know why but i simply couldnt come out of that fixation.everytime a tried drawing something else,the cat always figured on the paper.and soonafter the tree,the hill,the house and the green meadow followed suit.i was much in love with the plastic crayons.the wax ones tended to conjure grotesque impressions on the facing page,and thus were much hated.
my first art teacher,a girl in her early twenties and allegedly a little cranky in the head used to sit with me for about an hour every saturday morning.she would often talk out loud to herself or smile sheepishly at me while i drew purple skies and green homes with great gusto.and inspite of whatever rumours did their rounds in the para about her apparent paglamo,i found her to be a nice,innocuous company who effortlessly lit up my insipid saturday mornings.
my art teacher in school was a major bully who held a wooden scale in her hand more often than she held a pencil.painting was more of an ordeal than a fascination in her class.her "katha bolchho keno.scale chhure marbo" boomed resonantly across the room petrifying little ten year olds compelling whatever artistic inclination they had developed over the years to rapidly fritter away.
gradullay in the years to come,although art and painting still occupied some place in my life( i have always drawn cards for teachers' day.i still do),the fascination died down somewhere.so did my 'beeg cartoonist' ambition.in a while painting had taken a back seat.drawing was reduced to a yearly affair indulged only when there's a birthday or a teachers day around the corner.
the change didnt exactly happen overnight.but i guess i was so caught up in everything new that was entering my life and at the regularity of being mindboggled by something or the other,that the change escaped me.i never realised when my most coveted dream rendered itself inconspicuous and silently slipped out of the backdoor.

and for once i wouldnt blame my folks for not taking me seriously(i hold it beeg against my parents for not really egging me to 'learn' or do much in life).painting is the cheapest hobby one can culture.ever.all you need is a drawing book and a box of crayons or maybe a paintbrush and some colours. i really could have stuck to my beeg dream.fact remains,i didnt.
and i dunno why i am saying this but i really believe,when i abandoned painting,a plethora of colours also happenned to abandon me.
and they havent returned since...