it rained heavily that evening.and apart from a few rowdy boys playing football and howling occasionally,the ground resembled a desolate spectacle.
the incadescent neon light had cast an orange halo.and when the rain fell against it,it looked ethereal.
the rain fairy gazed at it listlessly-bemused,enchanted,intrigued...there was something in her eyes,you could tell.the rain fell steadily on her apple face.it trickled down her hair,brows,cheeks till it disappeared at the corner of her lips.
musty rain drops...
the ball thumped noisily on the flat concrete.the boys jostled and shrieked in unison.the goal got saved.cheers and whistles hung in midair.
the Rain fairy smiled and looked away.the 'thump' gradually dissolved in the background.
words spilled out like booze spurts out of a freshly uncorked bottle.conversation flowed.the night air felt intoxicating as it caressed the wet skin lovingly.the chilly wind flirtatiously hugged the moist frizzy hair.
the walking turned out to be hypnotic after a while.walking around in continuous circles can effectively evoke hypnosis!!!
and the hand she held felt unnaturally soft,warm and reassuring...
and when the rain stopped,the Rain fairy again returned to her recluse behind the clouds across the horizon where the sky was grey and the grass looked like a bed of crystals gleaming of musty rain drops...

boredom has this innate quality of driving me up the wall.sheer boredom.just that and nothing else.
yawn.twitch.yawn.contemplate.scratch.drool.squint.hum.yawn.think.plan.yawn.rolleyes.mutter.hog.pee.talk.mumble.yawn.sleep.hogmore.
and so it goes.
for the last two days this is all i was up to.
and oh!i did go watch a play.and i watched "you've got mail" after a really long time.
the stupid media player is screwed.the computer tells me i have a fake software.like,that is something i didnt know already.i mean thats no surprise for me.considering the phoney crooks we have turned out to be,its hardly a wonder that our system is fake too
but tahts hardly the point i was going to make.see,this is the issue with me.i start off saying one thing and before you know it,i have started off with another.
on a different note,i wish it wouldnt be so hot althroughout the day.it can be particularly stifling to sit home all day just because its sweltering outside.not that i care much,but the people i stay with(read,parents)have serious issues with me going out in the daytime.
parents,i tell you,can be the most disconcerting creatures.*sigh*

1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it:
on the wrist.some girl from school had dug her nails right in there.
2. What is on the walls in your room?
red and creme paint
3. What does your phone look like?
i dont have a phone(do a small jig before settling down)
4. What music do you listen to?
whatever sounds nice to the ears.
5. What is your current desktop picture?
baby with a big pout
6. What do you want more than anything right now?
i wanna get over with this stupid tag.
7. Do you believe in gay marriage?
sure.where is the harm?
8. What date and time were you born?
pakistan's indepence day.right at 2 in the afternoon .an india-pakistan match was on way!
9. Are your parents still together?
sigh.yes.beats me how!
10. What are you listening to?
"romeo and juliet"
12. The last person to make you cry?
my neighbour's dog.seriously what kind of an imbecile question is this?
13. What is your favourite perfume/cologne?
liked charlie.i am not much of a perfume person.i am happy with deos.
14. What kind of hair/eye colour do you like on the opposite sex?
black or hazel brown.but please oh please nothing other than that.weird hair colour freaks me out.
15. Do you like pain killers?
thankfully i never needed one.*touchwood*
16. Are you too shy to ask someone out?
i am not your coy girl next door,but i never have felt the need to ask anyone out.
17. Fave pizza topping?
i never can tell.others decide for me.
18. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
chocolate truffle.
19. Who was the last person you made mad?
i tend to make people mad very easily.it is this innate quality i have.every two out of three people get mad at me in every five minutes.go figure!
20. Is anyone in love with you?
nobody loves me.*sniff*sniff*

i tag little boxes and inihos.

okay.so my mind is not exactly working right now.but i can tell i am suddenly missing school after,what,nearly two years?
and its weird.because i really didnt feel a thing after i left it.and except for that ineffable feeling that kind of wrenched within me a couple of times when i was walking past rabindra sadan,i practically lost the attachment with that grey building.or so i thought...
i was never into science or mathematics.who am i kidding,i sucked in maths.big time.the teachers loathed me.and the feeling wasnt unreciprocated.my secondary school life was therefore not exactly eventful.i was an average kid with average grades.
plus two,in that sense,was one helluva roller coaster ride.we were given the classroom in the farthest corner on the topmost floor.and i had some of the happiest days of my life in that classroom.it was probably the geographical positioning of the class,the fact that it was virtually cut off from the rest of the building that intrigued me the most.and i dont know why but uncannily i would keep saying "ekhane kono khun holeo keu jante parbena"
the P.G hospital dormitory was right next to us.and it would be an understatement if i said that the place was stinky.yet,god knows what she got in that stench,our english grammar teacher would listlessly gaze out of the window for all the days she taught us.
the room had a swing door(i am hoping it still has),and i remember precisely how we purposely banged it open everytime we were to pass through it.
and then one fine morning when we were having a free period and the adjacent science section was in the midst of a chemistry class,i started "bam bamming" my heart out until my vociferous "bam bamming" was silenced by the chemistry teacher who demanded the name of that person letting out that queer sound.as to why i suddenly had that overwhelming desire to mimick bambam (of flinstones'fame)on that auspicious morning,i never have been able to figure since.*sigh*
the girl who sat next to me(its weird how i referred to baijayanti as the-girl-who-sat-next-to-me,but then i have my reasons) was a nerd.she still is.it will shake the living daylights out of me if i ever realised that she is no longer one.she was one of those people who studied during lunch breaks,was dishevelled and forgetful in that nerd einstein-ish way.and if you studied her bag,you could have fished out a dry chowmein strand-she was that messy.
and then there was amrita,who most people referred to as 'oxy' after allegedly one girl called her "the oxygen of her life'(incase you are still wondering,yes,our school brought lesbianism to kolkata).anyway,oxy or amrita,whichever way you like it,was one major giggler.she was really happy and content with her life in general,i believe,because she just couldnt stop giggling especially when mrs. saha,our bengali teacher took our class.amrita would giggle away to glory which landed us into major trouble one too many times.but then,mrs. saha was worth laughing at,you'd argue.very true.a lady who married some good many times so much so that we lost count of her husbands after a while,she was definitely a phenomena.but even we kept our humour in check.poor amrita,she never could.and the more exasperated mrs. saha got,the more amrita smirked.and so it would go on till the bell rang and the teacher scurried away in fury.
then ofcourse you had suchi who brought chicken sandwiches to lunch.and i bet half the class was pally with her just to grab a bite from her sandwich!suchi and i fell in and out of love with a zillion people we had never talked to till she hooked up with that radio guy(!!!)and from what i have last heard,she and 'double-d' are still in
lurbh with each other.
there are a zillion other stories i could tell you.about how sanda was madly in love with eating,how our class teacher told us stories about her doctor and how handsome he is and about how the assistant headmistress once called us morons and how the class didnot say a word against it because they didnot know what it meant...but then that would be too long a story.

its weird how i keep listening to one song over and over again whenever i am using the computer.it would keep playing itself and i would gradually get sucked into it...
there is nothing more exhilerating like getting lost in a musical warp.
right now its 'nightswimming' by REM.

I was barely eight when baba started taking me out on trips to places in and around the city. In a few weeks time, it became a ritual. Come Saturday morning and the father daughter duo would set out on journeys that sent me to dizzy heights for the next few days till another Saturday came knocking…
By the time I was ten, I had been to a zillion places and had learnt about a zillion more.
Victoria.check.college street.check.town hall.check.potoldanga check. Marble palace.check.check.check.check…
I had ridden a pony near Victoria. head bobbing, pigtails swinging in utter ecstasy.
I went for plays,ma baba in tow. and being all of eleven twelve I understood little of what was being vociferously delivered on stage. I would even sink back into the seat when the actors were particularly outrageous and even incoherent by my limited-vocabulary-standards!
I had dolefully watched a naked potbellied child being mercilessly beaten by his mother near entally and had cried for days at an end till there was nothing left to mourn for.
And in the process of growing up, these images and a thousand more got firmly entrenched in my memory. Images that soon spread out to form an obscure collage of the city-images held by a meshwork of invisible strings that in due course gave me a notion of the city. My city. A city that gradually became a part of my growing existenceAn indispensable part of me- a part I was so passionately in love with. And still am….
And even though the Saturday sojourns have been long out of practice still feel those strings tugging me. Just as they did some thirteen years back.
The collage has slowly unfurled itself. It's not as obscure as it once was.
With time, the pigtails, the head bobbing, the starry eyes, the puerile prattle all became a thing of past.
The city, too, shed her inhibitions, pushed all the dust and grime underneath the carpet and underwent a stark metamorphosis. A flyover here. A shopping mall there. Some coffee shops and bookstores thrown in between. A this. A that.
tra la la la la..
Someone changed her name from Calcutta to kolkata.and a thousand more faltered with her pronunciation."Kol-koe-tah"."Kalkutta"."Kal kota". The confusion prevailed.
Someone claimed job charnock is not her founder. Someone else denied her birthday. Celebrities swarmed in from all over to cut albums, launch films, and inaugurate music stores. From business tycoons to actors. From politicians to cricketers. The glamour and the glitterati sashayed down lisping the magical words-"kolkata, ami tomay bhalobashi"in broken bangla sending the crowds into absolute frenzy.
"Dada" was chucked out of the 'blue'team. And the city went agog with rage.
"Didi" went on a hunger strike and the entire city went down with her.fretting.praying.fretting.eyes glued to the T.V screen watching her every move.
One fanatic girl got herself married to an abhishek bachchan poster.
Some other was married off to a dog owing to the dearth of an eligible groom.
The crowd oscillated with its random mood swings. Garlands today. Effigies tomorrow. The rage persisted unabated…
The Nobel Prize got stolen. Someone lifted the copyright on rabindrasangeet.poltu and jhontu committed virtual hara-kiri on "gram chhara oi ranga matir poth." in the name of bangla band. The elders shuddered in disapproval. tsk.tsk."Ajkalkar chhelemeyera…" tsk.tsk..
Multinationals infiltrated the local market.flury's replaced jolojog.dominos replaced das cabin.barista, coffee house. McDonalds and c3 ripped off the city's quintessential 'bangaliana'.
TV anchors dressed like BBC correspondents and poised uncomfortably before the camera.plastered smile.hair in place.accented bangla.perfect!
Flyovers conjured bottle necks, the roads inundated twice annually and the potbellied naked children on the roads of panchanantala played gilli danda,oblivious to the changing times.
It rained in winter and grew insanely hot by end of February. Elders shuddered at the prospect of being "victims of global warming".
Lifestyle changed many fold. Commonplace modhyobitto Bengali now holidayed in Goa, Singapore, Malaysia.
'Kaku-kakima' learnt the virtues of surfing the net and sent e-mails to 'babu' in America twice daily!
Uttam suchitra flicks got remade. Teens and tweens crooned to "ei poth jodi na shesh hoi."
Lovers sought recluse in theme parks.families,dadu dida in tow,splashed in aquatica to 'beat the heat'
The angel atop Victoria memorial swung one more time after a long lull only to be put to sleep again.
Maidan was saved finally! The bookfair moved to salt lake. Most sulked sentimentally. People read less and munched more. Someone bought a broom. Someone else got his portrait made.
Baroyari durgotsav got a new edge. One pujo committee had the idol carved out of recyclable stuff. Some one else made a pandal out of biscuits.
Trees were cut down. Ponds got dumped.multistories caressed the skyline. The city became an asphalt jungle.
But in the midst of all cacophony and delirium, the city held onto its intrinsic charm.
And even till this day, the city holds a special position in my heart. And every Saturday it tugs at my strings and beckons me to get lost in its ethereal wilderness…

disillusion and despair has many faces.way more than you and i have discerned.
im just guessing how many!
the department i am in,comprises a swarm of people all abuzz with activities.
they dont yap.they dont while away time.they dont even squat on twos gazing listlessly at passers by,head resting on chin munching on a dhoper chop... for days at an end.
shudder!blasphemy.dear god.NO!!!
they study.and when they are not doing that,they discuss studies.or else if they are having one of those i-don-feel-like-studying-today days, they troop into the library and look up references.
ugh!!tear hair.yell.guffaw.tear more hair.grit teeth.ughhhhhh again!!!
and when they are doing neither of the above,they photocopy reading materials.
sheafs of pages.piles of books.plethora of notes/print outs/ downloads.
its a routine now.class ends.teacher exits.a motley crowd of pupils exit simultaneously.(how that is mathematically feasible,given the length and breadth of the door,size of each,is not point of concern right now)
the motley hurries down the stairs and troops into the library.
(imagine napoleons army,racking and plundering everything that catches their eye)
within minutes the motley has gone further down(puns intended!)
they are in the xerox centre now.books/papers/notes in tow-nudging jostling one another for space.a few more minutes and you see them returning.there! work done for the day.
this has been happenning for quite sometime.enough to drive an indifferent me up the wall.
i have had it.i cant take it anymore.
i wish all these narrow minded academia-centric prepostorous dextrous morons rot in hell!
ugh!

mira nair had always remained a personal favourite.so when "namesake" hit theaters,i just had to drop in-if not for mira,for kal penn atleast!!!and i can tell you just as well,i am filled..i have had my share and might go back to watch it a second time with anybody willing to finance the entire trip(popcorns,soda,transport et al)
i donot intend to burst the bubble for all those who havent watched the movie yet.i wont, therefore,delve into details.but i can tell you this much.donot expect a word by word translation of the book on celluloid.you will be hugely let down if you do.besides,deciphering a fat novel within a two hour slot can be a humongous task considering the sentiments mira had to cling on to.and if you are cringing your nose hearing irrfan khan and tabu do (in)justice to bangla,let me just tell you,they do a better job than shahrukh and aishwarya-anyday.
mira has been extremely subtle and implicit in dealing with the sensitivity of the theme.she captures the quintessential bangali sentiments of characters abroad and back home with adequate elaan.gogol's transformation from being the american born confused desi to the son who is trying hard to connect with the innate sentiments of his dead father,has been gradual.but it jars you nonetheless!
the actors donot need exclusive appraisal.they all capture you in their own little ways.
not really the movie you forget on your way back home.

"sudin ashbe bole ora agun jalay/ar hajar hajar manush morey jay..."

i am appalled by the state of affairs.i wish it was all a ghastly nightmare that never came true...

okay.i was asked NOT to post this blog(read,persistently forbidden).
but ive never been the goody goody girl who listens to people and resists the overwhelming urge to bitch.
lets face it.im typical.and bitch i will!!!
James performed at O.A.T today.there was an amazing footfall and you could see "dudes" sporting bandanas and 'iron maiden' tshirts flanked by bimbettes wearing excessive make up and a lot of other stuff im sure i know nothing about.
but thats hardly my point here.apparently the whole fanfare and frenzy would give anybody an idea about how 'beeg' this whole event was.being essentially curious we decided to check it out.having heard "na jaane koi,kaisi hain ye zindagani.." before,I,personally had a grudge against this guy.but i decided to go nonetheless.
and although the crowd swayed,cheered,hooted and smoked up in turns,the performance left me appalled!
i mean,that was one of the shittiest performances ive watched till date barring inferno's(who,allegedly, paid to get onstage and was literally dragged down later!) and that goes to say volumes about the aura that has been woven all around this phenomena called "James".
and though i do admit,i am a layman when it comes to music i still demand that the stuff i heard was crass.the lyrics was weird and in some places insanely funny not to mention that i was rolling my eyes through the major portion of the concert.
but what was spectacular was the audience reaction.the crowd loved it and they made it evident in more ways than one.
im not one who jumps to conclusions but im telling you this,the kolkatans have heard better stuff than this.the reason why i call the whole thingie appalling is precisely because of this.if the crowd really knows its music and is indeed spoilt for choice(which they are-there are a good many bands lurking here and there and they are way better than this.i swear!)then why the jaw dropping footfall?
the fact that James suddenly made it big after that one song in a hit-shit
bolly flick,isnt all that you need to judge his potential.
my friends,who also happen to be veterans in music and seriously 'know their stuff' asked me to study his stage presence and singing prowess which,if you ask me,hugely comprised a lot of unnecessary head banging and brow raising gyrations.
but then,thats what is "kewl these days' and the crowd predictably followed suit.

im convinced that i might as well be sued if this blog ends up in the hands of serious James fanatics.but well,ive always called spade a spade and this blog wasnt intended to hurt anybodys feelings or impose any of my ideas onto any one of you.

shit happens.
and no one knows that more than me.not exactly in the mood for divulging details,but just that.still insanely freaked and flabbergasted with whatever happenned.VERY!

and i still cant fathom why on earth she was wearing that heavily embellished tiny skirt with that black ornate top.i bet that's one of her brother's atrocious creations.
pheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!

and dada knows Orpheus!!!i mean why????why on earth ORPHEUS???
i knew the world's a small place but had no idea how miniscule it is!i think i know now!or maybe i am in for a bigger surprise.
way things are heading, i wont be dropping my jaw if someone tells me that i'm related to Oprah Winfrey.or Lalu Prasad,or that matter.
you cant faze me anymore.ive pulled up my socks.bring it on!

i love the Ben and Jerry's store.
they make the most lip smacking and creamy choco mousse ever.
i will have another one today.

got hold of this amazing book in the fair.
its called "Branded" and its by a 30 something Alissa Quart.im reading it right now and ive just got one word for it.incredulous.nothing more nothing less.ive barely read through it,but i can tell its going to be intriguing as i unravel it.and trust me, my instincts do not go wrong.this is hot stuff indeed.
not exactly your fiction paper back.this one is about how the evils of consumerism are manipulating the mindset of the whole generation-Y,brainwashing them into buying branded stuff("this is what you need to build the right kinda attitude"...poooh!)and making sure they suck up to that one brand and swear by it.
its intriguing,man.and as the story unfolds you realise how you too must have fallen prey to this and chances are that we still are.
the book is divided into sub sections and also throws light on those kids and tweens who having realised the havoc this consumerism is wreaking has shunned from succumbing to any kind of brand affinity.and have started an unbranding movement whereby they're trying to encourage more youngsters to refrain from this branding.
and its funny,you know.because ive seen people go gaga over a brand and shell out a couple of thousands just to get into that pair of sneakers or denims for that matter.and ive seen them go ballistic when they dont get what they are looking for.heck1ive probably done it myself.who am i kidding!!!and its funnier precisely because you get to identify yourselves and also your fellow mates.it seems as though Quart was writing about you.and that can be freakish.
and when the realisation does sink in,i guess a lot of things are going to change around us.

went to a party today.birthday get together of an old friend from my voices days...very good friend i never thought id remain friends with post-voices.fortunately i did or rather we did and today, there i was sitting pretty at her jadabpur residence.nice cosy home with lots of windows and very nice pastel drapes that had little floral stuff done on them.
call it my pet passion,but i always had something for airy little rooms that have a lot of windows and let in a lot of sunrays.ironically,i ended up being allotted the coldest darkest gloomiest room in our little flat.and ive been stuck there for half a decade now.i tried painting the walls in bright shades of brick and yellow ochre,but they didnt help much.
my room is nice otherwise.its quite big compared to all the rooms i had ever imagined living in.and it has kind of happily accomodated all the stuff mum and dad couldn't fit into the other two rooms.and the brick and ochre paint look damn nice at night with the lights on and all...but i still hold it against the sun for ignoring my room.

uff!!! I simply hate virtual reality.
There!I said it.
*scowl*

I'm so done with spooky creepy middle aged men trying to "make friendshipps" at orkut.Random strangers dropping in "just to say hi..";curious,freaky,nosy blockheads devouring the contents of my each and every scrap...I'm just done with all of it.I'm plain exasperated.bugged.pissed.big time.

The load's off me...finally!!!

heard about an old friend's leg being amputed,today.from the knee down.felt disgusted.
frustrated,disgusted,and very very shocked.i wont delve into the details.
i've tried imagining her in a wooden leg...clomping about.
but i never could go beyond her face.radiant,joyous and ever smiling.i heard she hasnt stopped smiling.

and i cant help ridiculing myself for sulking over an inconsequential acne problem.i mean,am i really human???

slept on the chhaad after a really really long time.felt good.nothing like flopping oneself on a madur and soaking up the sunshine.
wintry afternoons,chhaad,madur and the idle sun can make a heady combination.
i feel so rejuvinated.

i hate the voices inside my head.i hate the way they scream at me.

groan.cackle.whisper.drawl.smirk.guffaw.grunt.scream.scream.howl.retort.cackle.

i hate it when i get into a meticulous spree.i plan.i organise.i write stuff down.and i boss.
oh god!how i boss.
not just others.but myself.mostly.
i jot things down that i might forget otherwise.and then i forget them inevitably.
you know there are some people who like being left to themselves.unkempt.disorderly.forgetful.dreamy.i'm one of them.i mess things up.i scowl at the camera.giggle.get into a giggling frenzy.cackle and roll into a feat till my sides ache.i'm almost always late.i'm forever broke.i'm forever hungry.guilty.happy.sad.idunnowhat.
my shoes are torn.my clothes are crumpled.my hair tussled.blunt nails.and i'm forever making paper boats.squinting eye.cringing nose.hogging.belching.giggling.making boats.
and i love the clouds.the sky.and the sun.i used to like the moon and the stars too.but i dont like them anymore:(
ooof!i have really lost it this time!!!

results out.
boo!
me is bheree bheree sad!!!:(
boo hoo!!!

Its been three long months since I had blogged last.And I probably wouldnt have even today had Things not been so inexplicably mundane around here.What with precisely nothing to do,here I am trying yet again to revive my once upon a time old blogging spree...although I still am sceptical about how long this will last..afterall not all days are as uneventful as today(and thank God for such small mercies)

Things have suddenly been awfuly hectic for the last few months..and they will continue being so for some time longer.Classes have been scheduled from 10.20 in the morning and if ED courses are included,things go on as late as 4.30.Had this been the case even a semester back,you would have found me throwing a ruchus at this sheer "injustice"(yes,ladies and gentleman..thats precisely how i would have addressed the case!!!).But not now.Quite uncannily I have grown(am growing)acquainted to this and much much more.And since the change is (in all probability) for the better,I atleast am not complaining!!!

I wasnt really prepared to make a comeback in blogosphere(trust me,otherwise,things would have been pretty grand!!!)and I can figure that its showing rather evidently.After all,wasnt it the same old 'me' who went about saying she would only and only blog again if she comes across 'things' or 'events' that are significant and which she deems necessary to be blogged about."Well?Whatever happenned to all that?",you would say.Quite so.I agree with you totally,absolutely and whole heartedly.Quite,quite so.But before you hurl further accusations at me and call me a *****ing something,I plead you to pause for a minute or two.Pause for the sake of humanity and spare a thought for this poor soul(no.no i am surely NOT trying to gain your sympathy.*gasp*NO!!!!)

But if you ever have had a tiff with your mum on a gloomy wintry afternoon and retreated to your den sulking and calling yourself names for being a ****whatever,and stared blankly at the comp with nothing to do,nowhere to go,nothing to listen to,nothing to read...and felt a stifling warp of boredom creep into you,you would probably remotely relate to my situation.
Hadnt you lesser mortals then done the same as me...drenched yourself in exasperation and blogged about it ,telling the whole wide world how shitty it feels to be 'you'~just at times?
Well then,wasnt this an event just as much as any of other events happenning around you?

There!I made my point.Gah!